did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
