Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
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