I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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