you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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