WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
