I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
