well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
