can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
