You were right. It hurts to walk today.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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