Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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