i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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