There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
