she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
