i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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