Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
