Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
