Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!