Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dating After Heartbreak
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.