I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
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I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...