I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
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So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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