Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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