It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
