My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
