Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
