They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
