a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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