worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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