She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
