I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
