somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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