There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
