Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
