pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
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Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".