you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
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You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type