Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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