i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle