Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.