we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.