Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.