why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Then you guys just all showered together...?