if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
