i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
