Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
