Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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