what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
we're so committed to being not committed
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