I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
