turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
