I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize