one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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