I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
