You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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