I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
