thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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