I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
