omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it was like eating out sand paper
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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