just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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