Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
