This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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