"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't deserve a penis
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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