The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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