'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We had sex on a dog bed..
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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