Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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