hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
