remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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