Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
