He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
