I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
