Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
