Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
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After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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